A Captain's Choice
by glanmire
Summary: AU where 'Out Of Gas' ends differently. The shuttles are still gone, and now that Mal has gone the engine running again he's forced to make a choice. Which shuttle is he going to go after first?


Consciousness came back to Mal, soft as a woman's touch at first. He stared at the wall and the wall stared back. Excruciating pain shot from his torso when he sat up, and he paused to get his breath back.

breath. Now that was a relief, he was breathing fine, but something told him he hadn't been until now, like he had been strangled and only now was allowed to breathe again.

Oxygen. The engine- the compression coil- the shuttles. Mal forced himself up, and slammed his hand on the red button. He was calling them back.

There was no reply- at least none fast enough for him in this agitated state, half-intoxicated on the now freely available air, the adrenaline letting him ignore the wound for now.

Mal spoke into the radio. "Engine's back up and running guys. Who's ready to come home?"

Kaylee's voice. "Captain, how did you-"

"Tell you later. How are you guys for gas?"

Zoe answered, and he felt relieved that his right-hand woman was back up and running things. "Not good Captain."

"Define 'not good' for me Zoe."

"We got ourselves enough air for another twenty minutes or so, with a little less talkin'. Gas-wise, we're not going anywhere. Thought it better to use the bit we had left to keep the oxygen flowing."

"Same on our shuttle," Jayne added. "Whatta we do Mal?"

"Just hang tight for a moment," Mal said and ran his hand through his hair. The oxygen was back but he still felt he like he couldn't breathe; where was the air? His gunshot wound was aching and he didn't feel like he was capable of making a life-or-death decision right about now.

"I guess I'm going to have to fly out and get you losers," he said off-handedly. He didn't want anyone to panic. Cryin' and the like would just waste whatever air they had left.

"Thanks Captain," Zoe said. "And which of us lucky shuttles are you gonna be pickin' up first?"

She phrased the question like a joke but he knew her better. They both well knew that there was only time to save one shuttle. They'd both gone and flown on different directions, and he had to make the choice now. Left or right.

"Let it be a surprise Zoe," he said. "Wash, I'll need you to guide me through flyin' this beauty. I haven't sat behind the wheel in a long time myself."

"No problem."

He pushed himself over to the controls. Right or left?

Wash, Zoey, Simon and River had gone right. He needed Wash to fly Serenity, and Zoey was his support, the only one he really trusted. Having a doctor was always handy, and Simon wouldn't go anywhere without his sister.

Mal threw the controls left.

He didn't want to leave any crew member to die but the fact was that Kaylee was the most important member right now. Mal hadn't a clue what kind of fixing he'd done when he'd gotten the engine running again. Kaylee was the only one who could make sure the ship wasn't just 'bout to blow back up again.

The Shepherd was useless. Jayne was handy in a fight but not irreplaceable.

Inara- well it didn't do to be thinkin' about Inara. Fact of the matter was that it was Kaylee that he was choosin' that shuttle for, and that was only bein' a pragmatist about it. Inara didn't have anything to do with that decision.

At the time it had made sense keepin' the doc with Zoey on account of her injuries, and Wash and River followed those two to the grave. It couldn't be changed and yet Mal wished somehow that he'd divided the groups differently. If he had to choose four, pragmatically he'd have to go with Kaylee and Wash as the two most likely to keep his ship in the air. It was Inara and Zoey after that.

It didn't seem fair that his four had been divided up so perfectly, that he would have the Shepherd instead of Zoey.

But he was choosin' only based on who could save them all. His preferences didn't come into it.

"Ten minutes left Captain," Zoey said somewhile later. It'd been mostly quiet. This was the kinda time that a man could use a little talkin' to distract himself, but they couldn't be wasting air like that.

"I've got a shuttle in sights now," he said. "It's only a matter of looping around then and picking up the other one then."

No-one mentioned that it was double the distance back to the next shuttle. They'd have to fly the whole way back to where he had left from, and then the entire distance beyond that again. No-one said anything about there being not enough time either. They were all being good and not panicking, probably cause they all were hoping that he was coming for them.

The panicking would start soon enough though. When four people suddenly realised that their Captain had in fact abandoned them, then the real fear would kick in.

"Inara, get ready to dock that shuttle as fast as is humanly possible," he said finally, giving it away.

"Mal?" Zoey asked over the radio. Her voice was calm, and he couldn't see her face but could picture it nonetheless.

"I'm sorry Zoey. I needed Kaylee to keep the ship going. I'm coming for you, I swear."

Zoey didn't reply. She didn't waste the air.

Inara's shuttle pulled into place wordlessly. Mal yanked around the controls and slammed down as hard as he could back the way he came. He could still make it.

The Shepherd, Inara and Jayne made their way to the control room. Kaylee didn't.

She knew what her job was.

"Mal, you've been hurt," the Shepherd said, taken aback.

"Not important," he replied, keeping his eyes fixed on the open skies ahead of him.

A soft hand lightly touched his shoulder. "I'll take over the steering. You've done enough."

He turned to look at Inara, who smiled at him.

"You ever even fly this thing?"

"Honestly? No. But it can't be too different from a shuttle, right?"

Mal wanted to reply but it was like he'd gotten a sledgehammer to the gut, and he half-collapsed against the controls.

"Woah, woah," Jayne said, running to grab him. "You can sit tightly against the wall here, see?" He lowered Mal against the wall, and stood up again, visibly relieved his role as nurse had been short-lived.

"Jayne," Mal said solemnly, trying to stay lucid. The ship seemed to swim around him.

"What captain?"

"Run down to Kaylee. She's gotta give it whatever it takes. One last push."

Jayne nodded and ran off.

The Shepherd lowered himself down beside Mal. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"You can keep quiet."

The Shepherd ignored him. "That was a brave decision you made tonight Mal. A lesser man wouldn't have been able to choose."

"No Shepherd," Mal managed to say, "you only thought it was brave cause you were on the right shuttle. If you were with them, I doubt you'd be quite so full of praise."

"You can sleep now Mal," the Shepherd said, and the blackness seemed to swarm around him. Let someone else be brave and let someone else take the responsibility.

Mal didn't know whether the blackness all around them was him just on the brink of passing out or whether every star had gone out but before his consciousness slipped away he already knew. There would be no relief upon waking. They were too late.


End file.
